Don't Smoke 'em if You Got 'em

The other day was just one of those days. It was stressful and filled with thoughts of blah! It's been raining for the last 2 weeks straight, which makes us here in California very grumpy. Kinda throws your whole attitude off kilter. It left me feeling restless and out of sorts. Add to that the fact that I now have to move thanks to the great bubble burst of '08, and you can push my stress level up to defcon 20. Not being able to ride my bike to work or walk without getting drenched, for the past couple of weeks, got me good and ready to do something about it. In the past I would have resorted to cigarettes, booze and cheesecake to get myself to a more zen place. Not this time. The gym would be my best solution for coping with the pressure I was under.

A Stencil for My LIfe

My grandmother was not your typical grandmother when it came to crafty type things. She was not your average crazy knitting Grammy. Her craftiness manifested it self in quilts and embroidery. She was dangerous with a sewing machine and when I was growing up she was always embroidering things. There wasn't a piece of cloth in the house that didn't have some ornate pattern sewn into it's fibers. Her most prolific era was the 70's, and her talents lent themselves to the fashion of the day for sure. Adorning your garments with ridiculous sayings or cute little images was a sign of the times. A trend that I have seen come and go through the ages.

Funeral for a Friend

Life. What a confusing and ever changing thing. It seems almost as if it has it's own agenda and very rarely do we have a say in what happens. Sure we have some control over ourselves and the decisions we make, but it is the outside forces that create the unpredictable part of it all.

It's The Little Things

Over the weekend my wife and I went to a big warehouse store to do some food shopping. Not only are these club stores gleaming bastions of commerce, but they also allow the health conscious to buy the things they need in large amounts. We regularly stock up on proteins there as well as cruise the isle just for the hell of it. It's good exercise. Those places are huge! A couple times around the outer perimeter and you've burned a good 100 calories.

Heavy Boots of Lead

In the last blog I posted, I was hesitant to say what I really felt and what I really wanted to accomplish in the new year. There were a few reasons why but I just couldn't bring myself to put it out there for fear of making a great grand statement and then falling short and looking like a jackass.

A Simple Resolution

It's now the first day of a brand new year. Last night wasn't too calorically horrible I guess. No…it was. Sorry that was my denial talking. Like Yoovie's little devil, he just won't shut up sometimes. In reality it seems I approached the festivities with a bit too much zeal and have realized it is time make myself accountable and write a blog in response to my previous one.

Close But No Cigar

Over the holiday I found myself in a not so festive funk and I just couldn't put my finger on why. Things at home were fine and it was nice spending time with my family. No...the problem was somewhere inside myself. It really had nothing to do with what was going on around me at all. I started to scan the blogs for something to help me diagnose the problem, when I ran across a blog by my dear SPF Yoovie.

Food Fight: Battle at Christmas Ridge

As the Holiday war drags on, I find myself back on the same ship that deployed the first wave of brave souls at the battle of Turkey Hill. Just before they stormed the beaches to defend the hill from the onslaught of dietary enemies, I meet a veteran named Joe, who seemed to embody everything the fight represents to the millions of people who are affected by it's brutal advancement.

The Blind Side

On this new road to better health, I often have to pull over and observe the world around me. It is the only way I can understand where I have been and where I need to go next. Sometimes it is easy to just cruise along and not see what is passing me by while drift off course. Usually when I do stop, I find some of the most amazing circumstances, that renew my faith in humanity and give me hope that I can over come the difficulties I face in my own life.

An Off White Picket Fence

Last night after work, I spent a couple of hours counseling a good friend that is going through some rough times with his fiance. There is close to 14 years difference in age between them and they have been through a lot together. She was young when they got together and he was a little younger at heart than he maybe should have been.

I Quit!

I've been a working stiff since the tender age of 14. A minimum wage kid that learned the value of hard work, through a litany of career opportunities. Over the course of my employment history, I have found myself in all sorts of work environments. On the road, a cubical crusader, in the great outdoors, working for myself and as a cog in the machine.

A Black Friday

When I started this process of getting a life, I told myself that this time I would do it right. Before I wrote my first blog, I made a promise that I would be as honest as I could be, and share as much of my soul as I was comfortable sharing. I have written about many things pertaining to my life, both past and present. Well, this particular entry is about someone that shaped who I am, and taught me one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. I'll warn you now, it may get heavy. If you were looking for a light-hearted read, this ain't it.

Food Fight: Battle of Turkey Hill

In the hours before dawn, the air was thick with anxiety and the smell of an ocean on the verge of what could be the most brutal battle of the season. It was the start of an epic campaign in the Holiday Theater of War. A war that, some say, would last for the next 60 days, and have no less than three major skirmishes before it's end. Each battle a crucial step to making it through this god forsaken offensive. This, the first of three battles, the Battle of Turkey Hill, was about to get under way.

Problem Child

When my children were growing up, my wife was a stay at home mom. Rather than pay for daycare, we decided to struggle like hell and then put our hard earned tax dollars to work by tossing our kids into the public school system when they were old enough. My kids are only slightly damaged from the experience, but no more than usual I suppose.

Cheating on Death

I guess you could say I have been knocking on Death's door since the day I was born. We all have. The minute you fire up those lungs and start breathing on your own, the Ferryman is on your heels with every passing day. If your one of the lucky ones, you won't hear from him until your old and gray. Sure, you may catch a glimpse of him everyone in a while. Like the time when you were 12 and decided to tempt fate by flying your kite, Ben Franklin style, during a lightening storm. Or like the time I did something stupid and stopped caring.

Oh, Grow Up!

This morning I read a comment someone had left on a blog of mine. The comment involved the idea that, inside of all of us there is an adult and a child. Her observation was that the child had been running her life for so long, it had totally screwed things up. Finally the adult had to step in and mop up the mess.

Time Line of Tubbiness

Some follically challenged men will try to deny their genetic make up with comb overs and "Hair In a Can". While I had accepted my hair loss, I would deny my ever increasing frame and continue to wear clothes that were way too small. Like clueless, white trash fat chicks, cruising the local mall in belly shirts, I would stuff myself into clothes that made me look like the Michelin man. I never wanted to admit that I was out of control.

Soul Mining

Over the weekend, the wife and I celebrated 20 years of not killing each other with some friends we had not seen in a while. It was our first outing in our new healthy frame of mind and we took all the precautions we could to ensure we made the right choices and stayed on track. Food wise we brought stuff to make at the hotel and when we we were out and about we made a pact that we would stick to places where we could control what and how much went onto our plates. Aside from a clandestine calorie fest in the local wine tasting rooms, all went well.

What a Drag

This week has really been sucky! The bitch of it is, that nothing really happened that I can definitely blame it on. No one definitive shining moment that reared it's ugly head and said "This week I will make you feel like crap and throw your new lifestyle into a tail spin!" My work is uninspiring, my house is a disaster, my sex life is pretty much a bust and I just feel blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It could be a case of the Mondays, but it's Thursday, so I doubt that's it.

I'm Allergic to Being Fat

I have noticed that a lot of people on this site are still having issues with letting go of all the dietary baggage they have accumulated throughout their lives. So many awesome people, full of advice and encouragement, that secretly battle themselves on a daily basis. Friends who have reached out for some tip or trick that will get them into the right frame of mind when faced with hard choices. I guess it is time to reveal my secret weapon for getting control of my mammoth food addiction.

Good Luck Chuck

I have a confession to make. I don't want to lose weight. I want to loose Chuck. I know! Chuck who? Well it is kinda hard to explain but I will do my best because I feel that you all deserve the truth. You have been so good to me and I want to make sure that we have full disclosure here. No secrets. Ok. Whew! Here goes.

One Fingered Salute!

There is a little diner, where I live, that has been around for over 75 years. This place is legendary in the area, not only for it's age but it's food too. It has changed owners several times after the original owner sold it nearly 20 years ago, and the new owners have definitely done a great job with the place.

Blow Out: A Cautionary Tale

Just before we started to get fit, we quit our gym membership and decided that if we finally did get motivated to lose weight, we would do it on our own for a while. Sadly I had not planned on ever going back to the gym. I was almost at the point of no return in my mind. I know that it's never too late for your body (in most cases) but your mind can do a hell of a lot of damage to your progress by being stubborn and acting like a four year old. Mine would say things like "I don't wanna!" or "You can't make me!" and my personal favorite " Your not the boss of me you doody head!" My mind can be a very interesting place sometimes.

Doing the Math

Note: There will be a test at the end of class.

Last night when I got home from band practice, I was making some yummy healthy food, rather than my ritual of stopping by the Golden Arches and getting my customary gut buster meal and Diet Coke. As I was rummaging through the fridge and buzzing about the kitchen I noticed my daughters math book on the counter. Why it was in the kitchen I have no idea. She is 17 and stubborn as hell, with her own way of doing things. I shall not question her methods, just cross my fingers she was actually doing her home work and not using the book to crack walnuts or something.

Run Dumbass! Run!

Since I started this new life style, I have noticed that I have been dreaming again. There was a while there where my body could not get into REM sleep enough to dream because of what my doctor refers to as "the worst case of Sleep Apnea I have ever come across in my career." Granted he looks like he is twelve and belongs on Scrubs. So I am not sure how to take that, but none the less, I did all the tests and was prescribed a machine that helps me breathe through my nose instead of my mouth while I sleep. It reminds me of SCUBA gear and looks totally ridiculous, but I wore it for a while.

I Don't Believe in Beatles

Over the weekend I was cruising the blogs for inspiration and found what appeared to be devastation instead. It seemed that 80 percent of the blogs were either people being down on themselves, expressing a lack of patients or just plain giving up. One title stuck out to me rather loudly. It simply said "I'm Outta Here. I Quit".

Dude! It's Just Food!

About three weeks ago my wife and I decided it was time! So I went to the store and a couple of our favorite fast food joints and got all of our favorite things to have what we have dubbed an "Ingest Fest". We looked at it as a sort of Death Row, last meal kinda thing. I know, I know what an awful way to look at getting on the road to a better life. But man! When you are gonna give up all the things that got you through sleepless nights of worry and stress it's kinda traumatic. I guess I could find a better way to describe in "Ingest Fest".

Going Mental

I work in the downtown area of the city I live in. It's not a huge, sprawling, super duper skyscraper type city like Chicago or New York. Don't get me wrong, we do have skyscrapers, just not super duper. My city is what is affectionately referred to as a cow town, a government town and the capital my my fairly dysfunctional state.

New Life Support

I had always tried to approach my weight loss with a very militant, suppress your feelings, suck it up and just do it kind of attitude. I never shared my feelings with others nor did I think I would have thought so much about how I got where I am from a poundage perspective. After all it was about the work out and the diet right? All i had to think about was the calories in calories out.

All in the Family

Ahhhh family. Gotta love 'em. Or not. That is entirely your call. I love my family and friends very much, extended or otherwise. They helped us out quite a bit as young parents on the line of living in poverty. They gave us food and shelter and were always there when we needed them. Of course we have been there for them as well. That is how all great relationships last. Give and take in equal amounts with a whole lot of love mixed in.

The Man in the Mirror

Yesterday was my weigh-in day. I am seven days into my new life and now ten pounds lighter. I know that realistically I have not lost ten pounds of fat. A lot of it was built up water that has been bloating me and giving me cankles for the last couple of months. A feeling that I no longer have by the way. As a matter of fact I feel like I have lost twenty pounds. I have more energy for sure and things are really starting to take hold. I was feeling really good, until last night.

In the Company of Dangers

Substance abuse can be a real bitch to over come! Addicts will tell you that the first month of sobriety is the most difficult to get through. Regardless of the amount of support you have, the cravings and feelings of not having that crutch are strong like the force. The first step, they say, is to remove the temptations and get through the withdraw. Once they are clean, a smart addict will divorce themselves from all areas of the old life they once knew. Old friends, old haunts and even loved ones that, for whatever reason, can't or won't be supportive in their new found direction. Removing all temptation to stray, at least until they are strong enough to stand on their own and have the strength to say no.

Still Open

In the city I live in there used to be several drive-in movie theaters. I remember as a kid seeing some of the classics on those big white screens, through a crackling speaker that hung precariously from the window. Kids sitting on top of the cars with pillows and blankets, while the parents desperately tried to recapture the glorious dating days of LBF (Life before kids).

Holy Caloric Intake Fatman!

Well I got a big dose of perspective today!

I posted a blog that discussed my usage of certain substances that I used to help me find the way I felt when I was a young man. In that blog I realized that there was a much deeper reason for the way I am but couldn't put my finger on it. In pondering my situation, I realized that I was over weight long before I started using drugs and alcohol to find my younger self again. Well...I think I figured it out!

Whoooooa Trigger!

Over the last couple of weeks (before started getting serious about losing weight) I started doing what I will refer to as "Research". By research I mean continuing to live my unhealthy life while being conscious of what is happening when I start to feed my face. What I am eating. Where I am at physically. What time of day it is. Where my head is mentally. Am I under stress? How long it has been since the last time I ate. What other choices I had at the time. Tons of things to observe, but all very important things in trying to figure out what makes me tick gastronomically. I came up with several observations to share. This first one is a doozie!

I'm a Big Fat Mess

Well that does it! I officially have breasts! The gotta be close to an A cup when supported properly. Right now they just kinda spread and hang like they were 80 years old. To me this is disturbing, sad, repugnant, pathetic or any number of other adjectives that carry any kind of negative connotations. Just fill in the blank. Oh! Did I mention the line of site I used to have to my penis is gone.