I Don't Believe in Beatles

Over the weekend I was cruising the blogs for inspiration and found what appeared to be devastation instead. It seemed that 80 percent of the blogs were either people being down on themselves, expressing a lack of patients or just plain giving up. One title stuck out to me rather loudly. It simply said "I'm Outta Here. I Quit".
Read More...

A sinking feeling went through me as I remembered myself uttering that phrase so many times before. I did so much starting and stopping that I had developed whiplash. Thinking back to all those times I had started, gained success and then stopped, I could not help but feel this man's pain and frustration. Then I began to read the blog titles of other distraught members and really started to feel empathy for their situation. If anybody understands it people on this site.

But, even though I understood what they all seemed to echo, it was hard for me to have the same perspective anymore. My perspective on my life has completely changed. I can't explain it! Why this time is different than the others. Why I know it will stick. The only thing I can think of is that I have been honest with myself, accepted things I have done and begun to heal the painful parts of my past to help me move towards the future I deserve. Almost as if I have found Nirvana or some kind of peace within myself.

This feeling didn't come without a lot of soul searching and hard work. I had to let go completely. Let go of all the excuses and bullshit that go along with low self esteem. Let go of the daily loathing for what I had become. Make a conscious decision to embrace the process all the way. To finally commit myself to me. Accept the fact that the only way this was going to happen was to make it my number one purpose in life and lose myself to it. Become almost fanatical in my devotion to my health.

There is a line in the song "God", in which John Lennon writes, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me..." When I listen to that line now it brings completely new meaning to me because of my recent defection to healthy thinking. I know at one point the Beatles defined each of it's members, but as they grew emotionally they all expressed that they found it easier to leave that life behind.

For most of my life I did what I was told, believed what I was told and did everything I could to please others. I could not be happy unless everyone else was happy and I was willing sacrifice myself to not hurt those I loved, even if they were being selfish. The stress of trying to please others was a huge trigger for my eating and drinking.

But I refuse to sacrifice my health well being anymore to satisfy others. My first priority is me, because now I finally believe in me. Does that mean that I will shut out anyone who needs my help? No, it just means that I will take care of them after I have taken care of myself.

So as much as I want to keep blogging and commenting and reading peoples pages, I think am going to get off my ass, ride my bike, then eat a healthy dinner.

What I do for myself today will make me stronger for tomorrow.